Moan for me like Helen Keller
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
