My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
