did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
