So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
