i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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