no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
