Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
