It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
