I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
