Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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