White coat. Heels.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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