Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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