i just had sex bonerless
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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