she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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