Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
