Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
