god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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