I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize