didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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