what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
