Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
