I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
