So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize