Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it's like heaven, but drunker
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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