When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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