i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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