So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
