My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
