Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
