we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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