Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
