he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
