and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
