Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
