He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
