1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
