You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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