For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
