She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just had sex on a roof
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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