You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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