I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
