Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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