I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
