idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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