her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
