a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize