God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize