He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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