Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
