i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
