I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
should my penis look like a turkey
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
