one two three fourrrrnication!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
