don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
