Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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