my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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