Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
