Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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