I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize