my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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