We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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