I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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