A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
