I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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