ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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